'Maybe I should kill myself' I thought so many years ago, as I sat on my father's guest bed. He had just had a talk with me about my body, about how I'm fat but without saying I'm fat. I ate too much sugar and not enough fruit and vegetables. I didn't get the best grades or have the greatest personality. I wasn't good enough for him. I thought ending my life would be easier then continuing life.
As I sit on my friend's bed pondering my life, I think, 'maybe I should kill myself'. Throughout the night I have heard my name pop up in conversation with a negative connotation. I walked out of the room they didn't know I was in and sat on my friend's bed thinking, "if I had stayed I would've heard what people thought of me" and isn't that what people want, to hear what people say about them, to hear what people like and dislike about them. Instead of hearing what people said, I walked downstairs and sat by myself on my friend's bed. I sat on her bed and I cried to myself at 2:00am. I cried about how I felt I was the one being left out one of the group. I cried about how I felt like I never fit in, and how I felt like I tried to include my friend in everything and I felt like she hardly included me. We have been friends for eleven years and all eleven years I have felt like I am the friend that gets left out.
I thought 'maybe I should kill myself' one night when I was home alone. I thought it would be easier than living the life that I was living. I thought it would be easier than living with depression and anxiety, with all the stress of school and the teen years. I thought it would be easier than trying to get through my life... but then I thought about my future. I thought about packing up my room for college and decorating my dorm room. I thought about living life in the big city. I thought about my future husband and the place we would end up with our small family. I thought about watching my future children grow up into adults and having their own children. I thought about growing old with my future husband and then I thought. 'maybe I shouldn't kill myself, maybe I should just live.'
As I sit on my friend's bed pondering my life, I think, 'maybe I should kill myself'. Throughout the night I have heard my name pop up in conversation with a negative connotation. I walked out of the room they didn't know I was in and sat on my friend's bed thinking, "if I had stayed I would've heard what people thought of me" and isn't that what people want, to hear what people say about them, to hear what people like and dislike about them. Instead of hearing what people said, I walked downstairs and sat by myself on my friend's bed. I sat on her bed and I cried to myself at 2:00am. I cried about how I felt I was the one being left out one of the group. I cried about how I felt like I never fit in, and how I felt like I tried to include my friend in everything and I felt like she hardly included me. We have been friends for eleven years and all eleven years I have felt like I am the friend that gets left out.
I thought 'maybe I should kill myself' one night when I was home alone. I thought it would be easier than living the life that I was living. I thought it would be easier than living with depression and anxiety, with all the stress of school and the teen years. I thought it would be easier than trying to get through my life... but then I thought about my future. I thought about packing up my room for college and decorating my dorm room. I thought about living life in the big city. I thought about my future husband and the place we would end up with our small family. I thought about watching my future children grow up into adults and having their own children. I thought about growing old with my future husband and then I thought. 'maybe I shouldn't kill myself, maybe I should just live.'